Mother's Day

[Laura bought two Mother's Day cards. One was funny and one was sentimental.]

Laura: "You get to choose your favorite for your mom. Just don't choose the one I want."

Wait until it's safe

[We were watching the "Man vs Wild" TV show for the first time. It's about this guy who puts himself in the middle of the wild areas of Africa or Australia without any supplies and has to survive on his wits. To add to the drama he describes all the dangers that he comes across in gory detail, like getting trampled by a rhinoceros or being pulled under water by an alligator.]

Wild man on TV: "Tourists love to visit Australia, but every year 70 people die from wild animal attacks."

Laura: "I think I"ll go after they've said they've had their 70 people."

Another day for a stay-at-home mom

[Going to bed one night, I was looking forward to the next day because Google would make a big announcement regarding the project I was working on.]

Jack: Tomorrow's a big day.
Laura: For who?
Jack: For me.
Laura: Oh. It's the "same old, same old" for me. I'll do a little laundry, maybe do the floors....but at least I'm up to the challenge...

Waking up the roosters

[I was checking the alarm one night and was wondering why it was set so early.]

Jack: Oh, that's right, I had to get up early for a business trip.
Laura: Yeah, that was early. When you got up I heard some roosters going "huh?".

I'm not controlling!

[We were observing how our 6-year-old Brianna can be bossy sometimes to 3-year-old Jason.]

Laura: She can be kind of 'controlling'.
Jack: Sort of like her mother?
Laura: I'm not controlling.
Jack: [grins]
Laura: I'm not controlling! [whack] Say it!

To "blunt" someone

[I snuck up behind Laura to tickle her while she was working the menus on the Nintendo Wii and she spun around holding the Nintendo Wii remote...]

Laura: "You better watch out, I have a blunt instrument and I'm going to, uh, ... blunt you!"
Jack: "There's no such verb 'to blunt someone'."
Laura: "Yeah, that's what you'll be telling yourself when you're lying on the floor!"

Don't be stupid

[I was about to cut Laura a piece of chocolate cake ...]

Jack: "How big a piece do you want?"

Laura: "Surprise me." (And then she added, "But don't be stupid.")

Kicking water

[After being amazed by the water acrobatics of the Cirque Du Soleil show "O":]

Laura: "It's a good thing I didn't choreograph that show. Or there would be a lot of people standing around kicking water..."

Fewer whackings

Jack: "I didn't sleep so well last night. My head was kind of stuffed up."
Laura: "You should take an aspirin, a vitamin C, and tell me how pretty I am."
Jack: "You're so pretty."
Laura: "See, doesn't that make you feel better?"
Jack: "I imagine it makes you feel better."
Laura: "You'll feel better too because I won't whack you nearly as much!"

Church paranoia

[Laura and I sat down in church and started scanning through the announcements in the church bulletin...]

Laura: "Let's see ... does it say anything bad about us?"

Party like a rock star

[Laura was watching a TV show where they were playing the song "Party Like A Rock Star" and she was singing along.]

Laura: "That's what I'm going to do tomorrow."
Jack: "What, become a rock star?"
Laura: "No, party."
Jack: "Oh, of course."
Laura: "I'm hoping there's a lot of eating bon-bons ... and sitting ... and no laundry."

Motherhood

[ Jason, who is two and a half, sometimes just likes to get our attention it seems...]

Jason: "Mommy, Mommy!"
Laura: "Yes, Jason?"
Jason: "Mommy, Mommy!"
Laura: "What, Jason?"
Jason: "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"
Laura: "Ohhh ... sometimes the pay just isn't enough..."

[On another occasion, when the kids were being whiny and inconsolable...]

Laura: "Motherhood isn't nearly as fun as the color brochure made it seem..."

Sour Milk

[Laura is ultra-squeamish about food going bad so it's hard to resist teasing her sometimes...]

Jack [smelling the milk and pretending that it's gone sour]: "It's probably got another day left in it ..." [and then pouring it on his cereal.]

Laura: "It's a wonder I kiss you at all."

Wedding Vows

[Laura was helping some friends get ready for their wedding and she heard that they were writing their own wedding vows... ]

Laura: I would have had to let Jack do that because if it were left up to me they would say, 'I kind of like you ... I'll try not to shoot you.'

An Easy Customer

[Laura was flipping through some catalogs for something to do while riding in the car...]

Laura: "I don't need anything from Pottery Barn ... but let's see what they want me to buy from them ..."