Tuesday, May 10, 2005

My short little life

When Laura is spooked (which doesn't take much), she likes to say: "I saw my short little life flash before my eyes!" (which is funny because Laura is short.)

I'd like to thank all the little people...

When Laura worked at a preschool, she would pretend to accept an award and say (amidst all the chaos of 4-year-olds running around): "I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible..."

Never, ever wrong

Jack: "I can't find my pen."
Laura: "I think I saw it in the car."
Jack (coming back in from the garage): "My honey was right."
Laura: "When am I ever wrong? Ever. Yeah, think carefully."

All of our friends changed their names!

Laura (very tired, trying to read the church phone directory that was lying on the kitchen table): "Oh boy, I don't recognize any of these names.... Oh, it's upside-down."

Desperate Housewives

[This is probably only funny if you know the TV show "Desperate Housewives"]

Laura: That Terri Hatcher is skinny!
Jack: I saw her on the cover of a magazine at Safeway today.
Laura: It must not have been much of a 'cover'. She wouldn't fill half of it.
Jack: Well, you know, they can zoom in on her when they take the picture and fill the frame.
Laura: Even zooming in, she's so skinny she would only fill 2/3 of it!


Laura: Jason was just sitting around wallerin' on the floor while I was talking on the phone today...
Jack (not hearing the rest of what Laura said): Wallerin....hmm. Interesting word. How do you spell 'wallerin'?
Laura: W -- I'm gonna whup you.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Bored in the hospital

[Laura was stuck in the hospital again with our sick 6-month-old Jason for a few days and was more than ready to come home.]

Laura: The doctors expect Jason to be ready to go home on Thursday or Friday.
Jack: The school auction is Saturday night. You should definitely be out of the hospital by then.
Laura: If I'm not, you're going to tunnel me out with a spoon. And you better not get a plastic spoon. And I'm on the second floor. So you better get cracking.