This just in...

After a long pause on the phone:
"I was just trying to think...and it wasn't working...so I stopped."

More funny stuff

Laura, on a hot summer day, complaining about not having air conditioning:
"I'm sitting in the heat, even my sweat is sweating."

"I'm having to clean fluffy's room in stages: I go to clean it,
pass out from the heat, wake up, and go lie on the couch."

Laura, on a hot summer night while lying in bed:
"Is that ceiling fan on? Or do I have to spin it with my own hands!"

After getting lost and driving the wrong way for 10 minutes:
"I wasn't lost. I just got turned around."

On being a stay-at-home mom, watching our 2-year-old:
"It's tough sitting here ... doing nothing."

"Well, I have to get off the phone and do important stuff, like pick up toys ..."

"You know, my life is kinda slow. I sit on the couch...then I move to the brown comfy chair..."

On a sleepy Friday morning, Laura groaning about having to get up early:
"I guess I don't have to get up and go to Bible study. I could just maybe ... you know ... not."

When she wanted to know what I was writing about her:
"I've gotta see what you're writing ... otherwise, it's perjury!"

"If I have to come over there and pound it into you, it won't be subliminal!"

Laura, on wanting a technician to come out and put up the new satellite dish the same day that it arrived:
"I'm not in a hurry, per se, I just want it done today."
[She said this with a straight face and was completely sincere as far as I could tell.]

On not leaving Brianna's window open to cool off her room, even
just until we go to bed, for fear that someone might kidnap her:
"I have these fears ... they're irrational ... but they're mine."

On housework:
"Once a month or so I try to do the whole housewife thing ... but it kind of gets in the way of eating bon-bons."

a few more cute quotes

[After a mock argument about who Brianna gets her oral fixation from, in which I pointed out (1) the glacier-licking incident and, (2) her repeated threats to lick me -- sometimes even carried out -- whenever she disagrees with me:]
Jack: "I rest my case."
Laura: "You have no case. You have nothing but facts and allegations."

Jack: "Want to have lunch?"
Laura: "I do enjoy lunch. Lunch is one of my 3 favorite meals each day!"

Laura: "When it rains, it shines."
[huh?]

My adorable, funny wife

Here, then, are some funny things Laura said (with some commentary by me in square brackets):

1. "That rabbit is on its last 4 legs."

2. "I'm barely lucky to be awake."
[This made me stop and think. Although she said "barely lucky" for
emphasis, isn't "barely lucky" weaker than just "lucky"?]

3. "I wasn't born in a barn yesterday."
[An unintentional mixing of "I wasn't born yesterday" and
"I wasn't born in a barn". The combination, ironically, is
much weaker than either one separately.]

4. "You're supposed to be listening to my undivided words."
[Laura said this when she found out I was typing in this file while
talking on the phone with her.]

5. "I would be ever so sad if I died."

6. [Said to Brianna:] "How's that diaper treating ya?"

7. "You're working pretty hard there, Jack. Do you need any help? Cuz,
ya know, I could point..."
[Laura said this while watching Luke and me take down and pack all the
stage props for the Christmas program.]

8. "I might drown to death."
[Drown "to death"?]

9. "I'm standing as tall as I can."
[This actually makes some sense. It's just funny when Laura says it.]

10. Jack: "Your voice sounds funny. Do you have a cold?"
Laura: "No, I have exhaustion."

More funny sayings

[After writing a small tag on some scissors that are reserved for cutting hair:]
"That's not too unmistakable, is it?"

[After I sucked in my gut to make myself look skinnier:]
"I wish I could suck in my hips."

[When Brianna was acting up close to bedtime:]
"Brianna, your minutes are numbered."

[After sniffing Brianna's butt and determining that she had pooped:]
"Smells just like the others."

[After watching the movie "The Two Towers" which Laura thought was too long:]
Jack: "I wonder what it was rated."
Laura: "Uh, V for Violent, L for Long, and S for Slow."