The Passion of Christ

Jack: "According to the paper, Mel Gibson edited the 'Passion of Christ' to make it less gory."
Laura: "What, so now the guards just say, 'Come this way, Sir.' and lead him off-screen?"

The Absolute Power of a Choir Director

One Sunday night while Laura was listening to the choir practicing, she got my attention to ask,

Laura: "You mean the choir director can tell you when to breathe? Rock on! I want that job!"

Another choir member added: "Not only that, but she can tell us when not to breathe."

Laura (to the choir director): "I salute you."

Taking a pacifier from a baby

One evening when we had to give our sleepy 5-month old baby Jason some medicine, I had to take the pacifier out of his mouth so that we could insert the eye dropper containing medicine.

Jack: "I really hate to pull a pacifier from a baby's mouth."
Laura: "I know, that pacifier is the only thing between us and quiet."

George, the senior

After watching George Bush (the senior) and Bill Clinton walk out onto the Super bowl playing field at halftime:

Jack: George Bush looks *really* old.
Laura: He *is* old. He's so old he has God's pager number.

For Crying Out Loud

Jason (our 3-month old, who is usually smiling and happy) was crying incessantly.

Jack: He seems to be crying a lot more than he used to.
Laura: I know. I think he must have seen the video of when Brianna was a baby and now he's thinking, "I've been way too good!"

After our 3-month old baby kept us from getting much sleep one night:

Laura: "This little baby kicked my butt last night. He was all 'Crouching toddler, hidden baby' on me."

bitter-ish

Laura uses "ish" to modify nearly any adjective. After all, if "greenish" means somewhat green, then adding "ish" to "bitter" must mean somewhat bitter. She often pauses before the "ish" for dramatic effect. For example,

Laura: I've been stuck at home all day with the kids. But at least I'm not bitter....ish.

Oh, where is my hairbrush?

Laura, after looking at herself in the mirror one morning: "Look at my hair. I look like the Wicked Witch of the West."

Jack: "Just pull a comb through it and it'll be fine."

Laura: "Yeah, I've lost a couple combs in there already."

Decisions are hard

Laura: "You know, I panic when there are decisions and stuff."

Drugs R Us

[After I observed that Jason looked pretty happy after getting his pain medication in the hospital:]
Laura: "I know. I was asking for the 'Family Plan' when he was getting morphine."

On and on...

[After repeatedly swatting her hand away for tickling me:]
Laura: "Its the hand that keeps on tickling."

Get up on the count of...

[On a sleepy morning]
Laura: On the count of 403, everyone get out of bed.

Yummy rubber bands

Brianna (waving a rubber band in front of Jason): "Jason, no eat this."
Laura: "Well, don't give it to him then. That's the first step in Jason not eating it."

Two wrongs make a right?

Laura: I think you're incorrectly wrong.
Jack: Does that mean I'm right?
Laura: It means I'm going to punch you.

A musical phone company

[While listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D]

Jack: Do you know this composer?
Laura: No.
Jack: It's Pachelbel.
Laura: Pac Bell?