Extremely time-sensitive mail

[We were leaving the house to take the dog for a walk when Laura noticed there was a stack of mail in our mail slot. She picked it up and started to look through it. Our dog Chloe was straining on her leash.]

Jack: "Don't you want to wait until we get back to pick up the mail?"
Laura: "Yes, but I was just checking to see if there was any time-sensitive material."

A Mother's job is never easy

[Laura works hard as a Mom, carting kids around, dealing with tantrums, and making sure they get their homework done. One night after I left work early to help cart kids around, and then helped them with homework, Laura turned to look at me:]

Laura: "Want to trade jobs with me?"
Jack (thinking: if I say no, I might unintentionally denigrate her work, but if I say yes, she'll know I'm lying): "Um..."
Laura (waiting): "Yeah, I'd like to see how you spin this..."
Jack (thinking hard): "I could never fill your shoes, Dear."
Laura: "And he did it. Good answer."