Cold feet

[Laura was uncharacteristically wrapped up in layers of blankets one night when I crawled into bed.]

Jack: You're nice and warm...
Laura: I feel so cold.  I even have socks on my feet!
Jack: I hope you're not getting sick.
Laura: No, sometimes cold feet are just cold feet.

The big red eyes on the ceiling

[We got a new alarm clock for Christmas that projects the time in big red digits onto the ceiling at night.]

Laura: I feel like that big clock is staring at me, judging me.
Jack: You're anthropomorphizing again.
Laura: You know, you should stop using big words and use simple ones, like 'You're right.'!

Reading between the whines

[Over the Christmas holidays I had a chance to stay home and see family behavior that I normally miss.]

Jason: I'm hungry.
Laura: I'm sorry.
(Jason walks away. Jack and Grandma look shocked.)
Laura: He just wants to snack. If he were really hungry he'd be rolling on the floor pretending to be dying of hunger.  You've got to learn to read between the whines.