Another hard day at the office

[Talking to Laura on the phone while eating a candy bar...]

Laura: "What are you eating?"
Jack: "A co-worker brought in a big bag of candy bars left over from Halloween."
Laura: "And you went over and took a handful?"
Jack: "No, she dropped it off on my desk."
Laura: "She dropped off a big bag of candy bars on your desk?! What was she thinking?! I'm going to have to start calling you Chubby."
Jack: "Let's see ... there are Kit Kats ... Snickers ... oh, and Baby Ruths, mmm ..."
Laura: "Chubby."
Jack: "Well, I emailed the group and told them to come get some..."
Laura: "And you added: 'But please don't hurry, I'm still sifting through the good ones.'?"
Jack: "Oh, c'mon. I'll bring you home one. What kind would you like? There are lots of Almond Joys that I can't eat."
Laura: "I want something with peanut butter."
Jack: "You're in luck. There's one Reese's Peanut Butter Cup left."
Laura: "Good."
Jack: "It's sitting right next to my Kit Kat and my Nestle's Crunch."
Laura: "Okay."
Jack: "I'll try not to eat it before I get home."
Laura: "You punk! I'm going to meet you at the door and unless you can show me the Reese's through the window I'm not going to let you in!"

[The Reese's made it safely home.]

Comparing job benefits

[After telling Laura on the phone about the free snacks I was eating at Google...]

Jack: "It's just one of my benefits..."
Laura: "Your job has lots of benefits. Let me count my benefits...well, I'm done with that! Oh wait, I got the sniffles from one of the kids."

Motherhood time-cards

[After a long day with the kids...]

Laura: I wish I had one of those time-card thingies. Then I could punch out -- ka-chunk! -- and say, "Kids, stop talking to me."