Child Allergies

Laura (sneezing): "Achoo. Achoo. See, I'm allergic to kids. Two sneezes, two kids!"

Summer interns are not for spanking

[A while ago there was a Dilbert comic about an intern (Asok) who had to perform petty tasks for the full-time employees. There was one strip where the intern was stuck in a hole in the wall and people would walk by and spank him. This delighted Laura so much that she asked if she could have an intern.]

Jack: "I'm getting an intern this summer."
Laura: "Can I spank him?"
Jack: "No."
Laura: "Once?"

Laura: "What's his name?"
Jack: "I think it's Way Yen."
Laura (grinning): "Way Yen? Say when!"

First words of the day

Jack [just waking up]: "It's Good Friday today."
Laura [pointing a finger at me]: "So you should be good today!"

Snacks at Google

[Google has a huge variety of free snacks and drinks for their employees. Sometimes my joy and enthusiasm isn't shared by my wife who calls me from home after a long day with screaming kids (and without the free snacks). But lately, I've been cutting back on the ice cream, Dr. Pepper, and chocolate wafers and trying to eat healthier -- though not without a little skepticism from Laura...]

Laura: "Getting lots of work done?"
Jack: "Um, some."
Laura: "Or busy eating snacks?"
Jack: "No, I fnished consuming the snacks." [chuckle]
Laura: "Yeah, double-fisting them goes faster, eh?"
Jack: "They were healthy snacks."
Laura: "Oh, is that what we're calling them now? Were there air quotes around 'healthy' by any chance?"
Jack: "No really, they were healthy snacks."
Jack: [busy transcribing the conversation so far...]
Laura [suspecting this] "I'm going to start writing stuff that you didn't say, like 'I gotta itch my butt!' Ha, there!"
Jack: [still writing...]
Laura: "Whatever you were going to get me for our anniversary next week, you're going to have to double it."
Jack: "Okay, that will be easy." [chuckle]
Laura: "When were you going to try to come home? Cause, ya know, I'm going to change the locks!"

Pens

[I used to pick up lots of free pens from trade show booths, so I have quite a collection now including pens that light up, pens that stand up on their own, pens shaped like the state of Texas, pens that look like a rocketship, and so on. But very few are good quality pens that I would want to carry around. So Laura was a bit surprised when I returned home from the store with an unexpected purchase of a package of pens.]

Jack: "Look, I bought some pens."
Laura: "But we already have lots of pens!"
Jack: "These are good ones."
Laura: "But we have a whole drawer full of pens! See? In fact, the museum called and asked if they could have some!"

I have to go hide

[Our 4-year old Brianna was having a play date with Molly so the house was even busier than usual when Laura was talking to me on the phone...]

Laura (about to hang up): "Well, I can't be talking on the phone all day.....I have to go hide."

A good striking

[Jason was sick one Saturday night so I was going to stay home with him on Sunday...]

Laura: "Looks like you get a 'Get out of church free' card tomorrow."
Jack [hoping to sleep in]: "Oh good."
Laura [thinking Jack was a little too happy]: "Uh-huh."
Jack: "I mean, uh, darn, I wish I could go...but Jason is sick."
Laura [looking up toward heaven, and inching away from Jack]: "Wait till I get over here, God, before you give him a good striking."
Jack: "A good striking? So there are degrees of being struck by God?"
Laura: "Yeah, you know, there's the regular lightning strike, and then there's the extra good striking for people like you!"