Protesting my posts

Laura, noticing that I had written down something and trying to grab it: "I didn't say that!"
Jack: "You haven't even read it!"
Laura: "You're so hung up on logistics."

How many coffees a day does one need?

Jack (teasing Laura): "Oh I see you're making youreself a coffee. I guess I don't need to get you one from Starbucks then."
Laura, apparently speechless for a moment: "I'm wondering exactly how I should kill you."

Souvenirs from London

[Speaking to Laura on the phone when I was in London]

Laura: Did you get me a cute British guard yet?
Jack: No, dear, it's not that easy to take home a British guard.
Laura: What about one of their red hats then? You could at least steal one of their hats. I mean, how fast can they run?
Jack: Well, I don't want to go to jail.
Laura: Don't you love me?
Jack: It's because I love you that I don't want to go to jail. Because then I wouldn't get to see you as much.
Laura: What do you mean "as much"?

[Addendum: I showed this post to my wife and her reaction was:]

Laura: "As much"? I don't get it.
Jack: What do you mean you don't get it? You were questioning my assumption that you would visit me in jail. So "as much" should be "at all". You said this just a few days ago.
Laura: Honey, I don't remember the things I say. That's your job.

Petitions

Laura: What are those signing things, you know those sheets of paper that people sign?
Jack: You mean "petitions"?
Laura: Yeah, sometimes Jason and I do petitions. You know, like "Should we go get coffee?". And they are usually unanimous. Because, you know, I sign Jason's name.