Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Laura's favorite threats

Laura is a sweet woman, but she doesn't take flack from anyone and she compensates for her small size with bold threats, which are all the more humorous given her lack of ability to enforce them. One of her favorite threats is:

Laura: "Don't make me come over there!"

The above threat is often used even when she is standing (or lying) right next to me.

She said this so often that I used it once myself to find out what her response would be:

Jack: "Don't make me come over there."
Laura: "Bring it on!"

So naturally, the next time she repeated her favorite threat I used her response:

Laura: "Don't make me come over there!"
Jack: "Bring it on."
Laura: "You don't want none of this!"

To fully appreciate the exchange you have to imagine 5-foot little Laura with a hand on her hip, and fire in her eyes, and me looking down bemusedly from my 6-foot-2, 200-pound frame wondering if she really thought she was fooling anyone. It took me a while to get the next response in the sequence, but here it is:

Jack: "Don't make me come over there."
Laura: "Bring it on!"
Jack: "You don't want none of this."
Laura: "You can't handle any of this!"

Alas, she has caught on to my secret plan of baiting her and so I'm afraid that I won't be able to extend this particular exchange.

Just to be clear, these exchanges are all in jest. If she's really mad at me, she just says "Bite me" or if I'm really bad, "You're a butt." But I've learned that it's usually best to let her win the argument. She'll usually conclude each argument anyway with the final sounding:

Laura: "Yeah, just as I thought."

No matter what I say.

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