Sleeping in...

Laura: "I slept pretty well last night...until I woke up."

How to lose weight...

[After I confessed difficulty resisting free sodas at work:]

Laura: Just think of me whacking you all day long.

Not her worst threat...

Laura: "You know, Jack, I'm just going to think stuff."

[I later uncovered the intended meaning: this was apparently supposed to be a kind offer. Instead of whacking me, she would just think about whacking me.]