Chocolate mousse flambé

Jack: "We're having a Finance committee meeting at our house tonight."
Laura: "So you'll need some snacks."
Jack: "Oh...uh...right."
Laura: "Oh boy. You should have told me. I just went shopping."
Jack: "Well, maybe you could whip up something...let's see...I think I would like chocolate mousse flambé please."
Laura: "I don't even know how to spell flambé."
Jack [teasing]: "You don't play the domestic submissive wife very well."
Laura: "I never got that memo. I think I flambé-ed it."

A Measure of Trust

Jack [in a position to tickle Laura's feet but holding back]: "Don't you trust me?"
Laura: "Not as far as I can roll you."

[The usual saying is something like "I trust him about as far as I can throw him" meaning "not very far at all". But Laura could probably roll me quite a distance. So she does trust me!]

Charity starts at home

[After attempting to tickle Laura...]

Laura: "Being nice starts with you."

Sounds like "Run away!"

Toddlers clearly understand language before they can speak it. Our 18-month old Jason, for example, can usually understand simple commands. Whether he wants to obey those commands is a different question...

Laura: "Jason, lie down so I can change your diaper..."
Laura [chasing Jason]: "No, not 'Run away'! That sounds completely different from 'Lie down'."
Laura [still chasing Jason]: "Jason! Argh! You're making gray hairs pop out all over!"

Don't get mouthy

[On Valentine's Day, I was sick and feeling cold. Usually it's Laura who is either "freezing" or "boiling hot" but this time it was my turn to exaggerate.]

Jack: "On a scale of 'Very Cold' to 'Extremely Bitterly Cold', how cold would you say it is in here?"
Laura: "Not very."
Jack: "I'm freezing....brrr."
Laura: "I'm in short sleeves and I'm fine."
Jack: "So what you're saying is that you're having hot flashes, then? How old are you now?"
Laura: "Really? You're messing with me on Valentine's Day? I can see your headstone: 'Here lies Jack. He got mouthy on Valentine's Day.'"

Baby complaints go here

Laura (trying to clean up our 1-year old Jason): "Jason, hold still. I need to wipe your face."
Jason (complaining): "Wah, wah."
Laura: "Yeah, tell it to your Congressman."

Not to be too blunt, but...

Jack: "What's that on Brianna's cheek?"
Laura (glancing at Brianna): "Filth. Any other questions?"

Super Bowl Time-shifted

[Tivo is great for recording shows but sometimes it seems there is just too much to watch. We recorded the Super Bowl but didn't start watching it until Sunday night...]

Laura: "I guess we should start watching that Super Bowl. It's not going to watch itself."

Super Bowl Couch Potatoes

[After hours of watching the Super Bowl, sprawled out on the couch:]

Laura: "Okay, I'm going to get up and start working."
Jack: "Aw, you don't have to."
Laura: "No, I meant, I'm going to sit up and start crocheting."

Clones are different

[After describing the movie "The Island" to Laura and mentioning the DNA tests for the escaped clones:]

Laura: "Will they be able to tell that they are clones?"
Jack: "No, the DNA is identical."
Laura: "But maybe it's a little different."
Jack: "No, they're clones. That means they have the same DNA."
Laura: "Maybe not exactly the same."
Jack: "The DNA is identical. That's what cloning is. IDENTICAL DNA."
Laura (under her breath): "Different."
Jack: "You're being silly. And obstinate. And stubborn."
Laura: "You forgot belligerent." (then, under her breath) "Different."

Cold popcorn recipe

Jack (helping himself to some leftover microwaved popcorn): "Mmm, this popcorn is pretty good..."
Laura (feigning modesty): "Well, it's an old family recipe."

Seems simple enough

[While listening to NPR asking for money on the car radio...]

Laura: "You already gave twice last year."
NPR: "And at the $10/month level we have these wonderful tumblers..."
Laura: "You shouldn't listen to this..."
Jack (teasing Laura): "Mmm, tumblers..."
NPR: "...which you can use for a Gin and Tonic..."
Jack: "Yeah, for all those Gin and Tonics that I drink!"
Laura: "You don't even know what's in a Gin and Tonic!"
Jack: "Um, Gin and Tonic?"

That must be one big juice box...

Laura (who is overly skittish about expiration dates): "Oh, we have a juice box after all. But what's the date...hmm, April 2006...Okay, Brianna, you can drink this. But drink it fast!"

Extraneously impressed

Laura: "Oh where did we park, where did we park?"
Jack: "You don't remember?"
Laura: "No."
Jack: "It's straight ahead. No need to keep extraneous facts in your brain, eh?"
Laura: "Exactly...like the word extraneous."

[a few minutes later...]

Laura: "I don't know why I'm so tired...I'm old and extraneously decrepit."
Laura (brightening, proud of herself): "It's always good when you can use two big words in the same sentence. You're impressed, aren't ya!"

Between what lines?

Jack: "Would you like some ice cream?"
Laura: (sadly) "Um, no."

[10 minutes later, when I'm happily eating my ice cream...]

Laura: "Did you make me some ice cream?"
Jack: "No, you said not to."
Laura: "Well, maybe you should learn to read between the lines."