My short little life

When Laura is spooked (which doesn't take much), she likes to say: "I saw my short little life flash before my eyes!" (which is funny because Laura is short.)

I'd like to thank all the little people...

When Laura worked at a preschool, she would pretend to accept an award and say (amidst all the chaos of 4-year-olds running around): "I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible..."

Never, ever wrong

Jack: "I can't find my pen."
Laura: "I think I saw it in the car."
Jack (coming back in from the garage): "My honey was right."
Laura: "When am I ever wrong? Ever. Yeah, think carefully."

All of our friends changed their names!

Laura (very tired, trying to read the church phone directory that was lying on the kitchen table): "Oh boy, I don't recognize any of these names.... Oh, it's upside-down."

Desperate Housewives

[This is probably only funny if you know the TV show "Desperate Housewives"]

Laura: That Terri Hatcher is skinny!
Jack: I saw her on the cover of a magazine at Safeway today.
Laura: It must not have been much of a 'cover'. She wouldn't fill half of it.
Jack: Well, you know, they can zoom in on her when they take the picture and fill the frame.
Laura: Even zooming in, she's so skinny she would only fill 2/3 of it!

Wallerin'

Laura: Jason was just sitting around wallerin' on the floor while I was talking on the phone today...
Jack (not hearing the rest of what Laura said): Wallerin....hmm. Interesting word. How do you spell 'wallerin'?
Laura: W -- I'm gonna whup you.

Bored in the hospital

[Laura was stuck in the hospital again with our sick 6-month-old Jason for a few days and was more than ready to come home.]

Laura: The doctors expect Jason to be ready to go home on Thursday or Friday.
Jack: The school auction is Saturday night. You should definitely be out of the hospital by then.
Laura: If I'm not, you're going to tunnel me out with a spoon. And you better not get a plastic spoon. And I'm on the second floor. So you better get cracking.

Coffee, and more coffee

[After a long, hard night holding a sick baby.]

Jack: You didn't get much sleep last night. How are you going to survive?
Laura: See this coffee? Four of its best friends are going to visit me today.

Preschool application

[Laura was filling out a pre-kindergarten application and was perplexed at one of the questions.]

Laura: Look at this question: 'How does your child use his/her leisure time?' What would you say? 'Driving me crazy, ruining our stuff, and just having a bad attitude'?

That goes unsaid

Jack: You look pretty tired this morning. You should treat yourself to a Starbucks coffee.
Laura: That goes unsaid.

If you like these...

If you like these posts, you'll probably get a kick out of another blog I started that chronicles the funny things my kids said. (Currently only the 3-year old can talk, but I expect our 6-month old to generate some laughable quotes when his time comes.)

http://veenstra-kids.blogspot.com/

Four-course meal

Jack (proud of himself for getting into work early and coming home early): I came home early today.
Laura (wanting to share in the joy): Yeah, and I cooked a four-course meal!
Jack (thinking of the cream-of-wheat and peas they had for dinner but not wanting to sound critical): Was it four?
Laura: Well, there were four bowls on the table...if you count the tub of butter.

Pacifier attendant

[After Laura got up to calm Jason by reinserting his pacifier:]

Jack: "Don't you feel like a pacifier attendant?"
Laura: "Yeah, the pay is terrible and the benefits suck. Literally."

Minicoopers

Laura: "I like those Minicoopers. I want one of them. After our kids are grown up, I'm going to trade in our minivan for a minicooper. Then when our kids drop off their kids and say, 'Raise them', I'll be able to say, 'Sorry, all I have is this minicooper now.'"

Investing with Laura

Jack (filling out a form): "Hey sweetie, do you want to be a 'Joint Tenant with Rights of Survivorship' and get all my money when I die?"
Laura: "Isn't there anything better? Like, I get all your money all the time?"